Tim and I have been married two years today. On one hand it feels like its gone really quickly, yet on the other it feels like we have been married forever. Last Year I wrote about the things husbands do. I thought today I would write about some of the things I have learnt in marriage:
1. Keep things special – It’s really easy to get in a rut. Same routine day in and day out. When date night comes its easy to think – well lets just eat dinner in front of the TV like we always do, nothing special. But keeping things special, with surprises, presents, date nights when possible is really nice. I appreciate it when Tim comes home with a bunch of flowers!
2. Turn the screen off – TV can be a conversation killer. The ping of the mobile phone can be a distraction. Sometimes we need to turn that off and enjoy a real live conversation. Like face to face.
3. Mundane things need to happen – And that’s ok! Shopping needs to be done, washing up needs to be done. Someone needs to cook. You often don’t see the behind the scenes of the prince and princess story where the princess is vacuuming the castle and the prince is washing up. But it is a part of life. Unless you have servants, which we don’t.
4. Encourage, Encourage, Encourage – Words are a dangerous thing. As a wife I know how easy it is to use words to bring my husband down. But I have learnt that encouragement goes a long way and when he encourages me it really brings joy to my heart.
5. Everyone’s Marriage is different – It’s easy to feel like everyone’s marriage should be the same – that we should fit into certain roles of who should do what. But I have learnt that every marriage is different. I have learnt that while my husband is better at making and creating various things around the house, I am better at organising our diary and finance. While my husband prefers DIY, is much better at sewing than me and likes food shopping more than I do. I prefer to read books, iron and find useful ways to use the creative things that my husband builds while gently reminding him that perhaps making a lit up smiling robot isn’t AS helpful as putting up shelves. Oh and we both enjoy cooking.
Above all for us, having Jesus at the center and being a part of and serving in a church community is what helps us grow more and more in our marriage. I look forward to many more happy years together.
Around the web over the last couple of weeks:
Talks from Transformission – This year was on adoption and it was so heartwarming.
The heart winning Trinity – Mike Reeves does some short talks on the Trinity. Wonderful stuff
Please don’t balance – A post by Peter Mead as a result of listening to Mike Reeves at Transformission
Dirty dishes and Marriage – Could the boring-repetitive tasks of marriage and family life—dishes, laundry, ironing, vacuuming, picking up clutter, chauffeuring—be the birthplace of joy and wonder?
Don’t Despise yourself – A great post by Emma
A really great article in the NY Times on The Joy of Quiet – “We have more and more ways to communicate, as Thoreau noted, but less and less to say. Partly because we’re so busy communicating. And — as he might also have said — we’re rushing to meet so many deadlines that we hardly register that what we need most are lifelines.”
Glen Scrivener has written a great post on Marital Communion (or, in other words, sex)- “If I sit in my pew until I really really feel a heart-felt connection to Christ, I’ll never take communion. But if I’m assured that Christ is promised in the bread and wine, then the focus is taken off my feelings and put objectively onto the real offer of Christ. So it is in the bedroom. “
A wonderful post by Dan Hames on Reclaiming the old language of spirituality - “There is a difference between having faith, and depending on your faith. Faith relies on the truth of the Word, and not on itself. We may have many questions about our faith– its strength, goodness, quality, genuineness, and whatever– and can allow ourselves a healthy dose of pessimism about it. My faith is not good. I’m not good. But I don’t have faith in my faith! Rather, I trust One who alone is good and true. “
Emma Scrivener wrote a great post on Heroes: Fallen or Pushed? – “I build them up in my head. I praise them to their face and to others. I consider myself a follower, a disciple, a devotee, a subscriber. And in return, all I ask is that they never, ever make a mistake.”
Now reflecting on our first year of marriage I have had some insights into what Husbands do. This is just a bit of fun, but it is also a mark of some of the things my husband does which makes me smile and which I am very grateful for!
- Catching and getting rid of monster spiders that lurk in the corners of your house!
- Making phone calls to people who I don’t want to talk to (phone company, sky etc)
- Pushing the trolley in Tescos and carrying heavy shopping bags
- Makes me coffee first thing in the morning to wake me up! ( I need it)
- Gives lots of hugs when needed
- He often says he is praying for me which really encourages me
- Make me laugh with silly faces and noises
- Writes to me “Good morning” messages when he goes off to work or writes notes with my lunch!
- He runs and grabs the washing when it starts to rain.
- He picks me up from evening meetings and waits there while I am late…or very late
- He allows me to choose a movie which may mean a really girly movie!
- He often reminds me of Gods Grace
I must admit and not to sound cheesy at all, but since being married I have seen more of Gods Grace and love then I did before. This is so evident in times where I am pretty rotten and sinful and yet my husband still loves me and shows me such patience and love when I don’t deserve it. It is in those times I see just a glimpse of the love of Christ towards me and it reminds me that while I was far off and rejecting him, he died for me and won me back. Pretty amazing.