Something a bit different:
Our body seems to know when we are stressed and anxious before we do. I find my body reacts, at first it protests and then it just lies down and refuses to move. I am very good at placing things in different boxes and rooms in my mind, I like to separate life into categories and so if I feel stressed in my job I place it in a box and tightly put the lid on. The problem with that is that the box starts to rattle – so I hid it in the basement so no one can hear it, like an uncle you don’t want around. But then the box begins to shake and rumble and explodes – the contents start to seep out slowly at first and then into gushing waves that I could surf on. Soon all the rooms are contaminated with the slimy ooze of anxiety and stress. Sleep begins to protest because the mind can’t switch off. The stomach crunches and crumbles in on itself. The skin begins to flare up to alert there is a problem. Then happiness and joy slide away, they take their cloaks and slip out the window at night. Suddenly you wake up and you see the eyes of sadness and weariness staring back at you. “How did you get here?” I ask… they don’t say anything back but just sit and wait. They are what people can see.
It feels like a forever winter. A darkness that you can touch and feel its thickness.
Stop. I want to turn on the light. I want joy and happiness back. “Come back!”…
I remember the apostle Paul saying we shouldn’t be anxious about anything but that we should pray. I then remembered Jesus being very anxious to the point of sweating blood. It seems that worrying can cling and get its fingernails into your pores. But the Lord knows this. I think through our body he reminds us that we are very human. As I woke up this morning with a rash on my arm, which I have only had once before after a week of tiredness and hectic stress, I was reminded that I am human. As a friend sat me down last week and made me realised that I had to stop or I was going to crumble, I was reminded that I am human.
I sometimes wish that God would just write this in the sky – “You are human, with limits and you need to stop and rest and enjoy” rather than allowing me to run head long into this web of tangles that stick to me and have little labels saying… work harder…expectations…what will people think? …holiness…never good enough… etc But to be honest I am not very good at looking up. I am glad I have people who help me do that.
So now starts a process. Starting now. And the first thing I will do is to ask Jesus to bring my joy and happiness back. I reckon he might say yes 🙂
I wonder how many people feel like this to?